2. An Approved Topic: #3 Religion is an important part of the lives of the people of Waknuk, but it is abused and manipulated in very unreligious ways.
Thesis: Religion is abused because family and friends don’t accept each other after they find out they are deviations.
Thesis # 2: Religion is abused because it can bring families together, but in Waknuk it does the opposite. (this thesis is getting better, it can still be improved. Ask me for help on Wed. Mr. A)
Thesis ( THE REAL THING!!) :Religion is abused because it is taken advantage of and used as an excuse to commit horrible atrocities. (good thesis)
'My father held Sophie with one arm just as he had held the struggling calf. He raised his other hand high, and as he swept it down the knife in the light of the rising sun, just as it had flashed when he cut the calf's throat....'-page 28 Selin: I like this example. It goes against the "don't do harm to others" rule :)
MY SUPPORT: This is an example of religion being abused in the book. It shows how even though it never happened, David still believes his father would react in such a horrific manner, if he found out about Sophie.
Raghav: Its good textual evidence, but your support needs more work, if David's father were to do these things, what does it have to do with religion, and how is religion abused? (Excellent comment Raghav!! Exactly what I would say if i were marking this essay)
‘Katherine has admitted it; confessed. I have confirmed it. They would have forced me to it too, in the end. I-’ she hesitated wavering. ‘I couldn’t face it. Not the hot irons; not for nothing, when she had told them. I couldn’t…Forgive me, all of you…forgive us both…’ She broke off again. –pg 130 Selin: Again another good example of doing harm to others. Maybe try finding another example that goes against religous beliefs in a different way. Maybe when they burned babies (that one's not very different, but it's an idea)?
My support: The people of Waknuk have no right to torture Katherine and Sally even if they are telepaths. Selin: Nice support. Maybe tie it into religon a little more later on.
When my father was a young man a woman who bore a child that wasn’t in the image was whipped for it. If she bore three out of the image ahe was uncertified, outlawed, and sold. It made them careful about their purity and their prayers. My father reckoned there was a lot less trouble with mutants on account of it, and when there were any, they were burnt, like other deviations.-pg 88
My Introduction Treat others the way you would like to be treated. What people across the world still don’t understand is that every action they make is affecting someone else. That glancing at a man playing his guitar, trying to earn a living, and walking away without checking ones pockets for any spare change, could decide whether or not he will have a dinner that night. As humans we must imagine what the other person might be feeling or how they may react to our actions. In other words we must imagine ourselves in the other persons shoes. Unfortunately, the people of Waknuk do not understand this concept, which results in very inhumane measures being taken towards the deviations and their families. Religion is abused because it is taken advantage of and used as an excuse to commit horrible atrocities (if your thesis is about religion, how does your intro relate to or anticipate the idea of religion?). For example burning babies who do not imitate the true image, torturing to extract knowledge, and killing animals that are in any way - shape or form – different (sentence is superfluous).
Raghav: Small Changes.Instead of "at night." try that night. instead of "might be" you could say "is". In the" Religion is abused" line, try not to jump into religion, because you have not mentioned it before,or mention where religion is abused. say something such as "In The Chrysalids, religion is..."
Hopefully my improved intro... Treat others the way you would like to be treated. What people across the world still don’t understand is that every action they make is affecting someone else. That glancing at a man playing his guitar, trying to earn a living, and walking away without checking ones pockets for any spare change, could decide whether or not he will have a dinner that night. As humans we must imagine what the other person might be feeling or how they may react to our actions. In other words, we must imagine ourselves in the other persons shoes. Empathy is a great part of religion. Unfortunately, the people of Waknuk do not understand the concept of empathy, which results in very inhumane measures being taken towards the deviations and their families. In The Chrysalids religion is abused because it is taken advantage of and used as an excuse to commit horrible atrocities. For example burning babies who do not imitate the true image, torturing to extract knowledge, and killing animals that are in any way different.
1st body paragraph... 'My father held Sophie with one arm just as he had held the struggling calf. He raised his other hand high, and as he swept it down the knife in the light of the rising sun, just as it had flashed when he cut the calf's throat....' This is an example of religion being abused in the book. It shows that even though this never happened, David still believes his father would react in such a horrific manner, if he found out about Sophie. In the Bible it clearly states that one should not murder and in this example Joseph Strorm is doing just that. The people of Waknuk believe that any living thing that does not imitate its true image is a creation of the devil. Therefore, the people of Waknuk believe it is their duty to exterminate and punish those who do not follow the lines of the “true” image. I think its too short. Right?? um its not really short but you can still explain a bit more. 2nd body paragraph
‘Katherine has admitted it; confessed. I have confirmed it. They would have forced me to it too, in the end. I’ she hesitated wavering. ‘I couldn’t face it. Not the hot irons; not for nothing, when she had told them. I couldn’t…Forgive me, all of you…forgive us both…’ She broke off again. –pg 130 (i think you should explain about waknuk and relate it to the qoute, like you did at the end-however the people of waknuk follow...- and then write the other qoute and explain about that separately)“Do not utter even one harsh word, your True Sovereign abides in all. Do not break another’s heart, all are priceless jewels.”-Baba Sheikh Farid, Guru Granth Sahib 1384. In short this quote is saying that everyone is equal, that everyone has a right to live, and that everyone has the right to live the way they want. Deviations or no deviations, the people of Waknuk have no right to torture Katherine and Sally. In every religion it states to not harm another, especially for ones satisfaction. However, the people of Waknuk follow a different rule. They believe that if one had a slight variation of the ‘true’ image, they should not have the right to live with the rest of gods creations. As an alternative, they should live in the Fringes with the other unfortunate outcasts. good paragraphs. although i think you need to have an exact topic for each of your body paragraphs and include a topic sentence to give each paragraph a purpose.
3rd body paragraph When people don’t understand something they try to figure it out. When people don’t understand other people they are intimidated by their unknown. As a result, those people will find ways to control and overpower the others, to hide this weakness. John Wyndham uses this weakness to show how humans react to something that is unfamiliar. When my father was a young man a woman who bore a child that wasn’t in the image was whipped for it. If she bore three out of the image ahe was uncertified, outlawed, and sold. It made them careful about their purity and their prayers. My father reckoned there was a lot less trouble with mutants on account of it, and when there were any, they were burnt, like other deviations.-(The views of Old Jacob, a character in The Chrysalids on page 88) The people of Waknuk are frightened by the thought peoples powers. Therefore, they will do anything to take control of the telepaths and the deviations in general, to make them feel safe and secure. To avoid an inquiry, the people of Waknuk use religion to mask the real reason for not accepting deviations as people. In the excerpt above, it shows how determined the people of Waknuk were to get rid of deviations. Fortunately, over the years, the laws have changed, and women are no longer whipped and babies no longer burned. Women are still uncertified, outlawed, and sold, but bbabies are given a chance to live, though that chance is very slim. They are left out in the Fringes, helpless and abandoned.
3. Brainstorming Worksheet
4. Essay Outline
5. First Draft of your Essay
6. Peer Comments: Selin Soha Raghav
Introductory Paragraph Questions:
1.Does the introduction paragraph grab your attention? Does it anticipates an insightful thesis?
2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
Body Paragraphs Questions:
1.How well are the quotations integrated and analyzed? Have they been chosen with care and taken from a variety of chapters?
2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
Concluding Paragraph Questions:
1.Does the conclusion include a reworded thesis, summary.
2. Does the conclusion have a memorable ending?
3.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
2. An Approved Topic: #3 Religion is an important part of the lives of the people of Waknuk, but it is abused and manipulated in very unreligious ways.
Thesis: Religion is abused because family and friends don’t accept each other after they find out they are deviations.
Thesis # 2: Religion is abused because it can bring families together, but in Waknuk it does the opposite. (this thesis is getting better, it can still be improved. Ask me for help on Wed. Mr. A)
Thesis ( THE REAL THING!!) :Religion is abused because it is taken advantage of and used as an excuse to commit horrible atrocities. (good thesis)
'My father held Sophie with one arm just as he had held the struggling calf. He raised his other hand high, and as he swept it down the knife in the light of the rising sun, just as it had flashed when he cut the calf's throat....'-page 28
Selin: I like this example. It goes against the "don't do harm to others" rule :)
MY SUPPORT: This is an example of religion being abused in the book. It shows how even though it never happened, David still believes his father would react in such a horrific manner, if he found out about Sophie.
Raghav: Its good textual evidence, but your support needs more work, if David's father were to do these things, what does it have to do with religion, and how is religion abused? (Excellent comment Raghav!! Exactly what I would say if i were marking this essay)
‘Katherine has admitted it; confessed. I have confirmed it. They would have forced me to it too, in the end. I-’ she hesitated wavering. ‘I couldn’t face it. Not the hot irons; not for nothing, when she had told them. I couldn’t…Forgive me, all of you…forgive us both…’ She broke off again. –pg 130 Selin: Again another good example of doing harm to others. Maybe try finding another example that goes against religous beliefs in a different way. Maybe when they burned babies (that one's not very different, but it's an idea)?
My support: The people of Waknuk have no right to torture Katherine and Sally even if they are telepaths. Selin: Nice support. Maybe tie it into religon a little more later on.
When my father was a young man a woman who bore a child that wasn’t in the image was whipped for it. If she bore three out of the image ahe was uncertified, outlawed, and sold. It made them careful about their purity and their prayers. My father reckoned there was a lot less trouble with mutants on account of it, and when there were any, they were burnt, like other deviations.-pg 88
My Introduction
Treat others the way you would like to be treated. What people across the world still don’t understand is that every action they make is affecting someone else. That glancing at a man playing his guitar, trying to earn a living, and walking away without checking ones pockets for any spare change, could decide whether or not he will have a dinner that night. As humans we must imagine what the other person might be feeling or how they may react to our actions. In other words we must imagine ourselves in the other persons shoes. Unfortunately, the people of Waknuk do not understand this concept, which results in very inhumane measures being taken towards the deviations and their families. Religion is abused because it is taken advantage of and used as an excuse to commit horrible atrocities (if your thesis is about religion, how does your intro relate to or anticipate the idea of religion?). For example burning babies who do not imitate the true image, torturing to extract knowledge, and killing animals that are in any way - shape or form – different (sentence is superfluous).
Raghav: Small Changes.Instead of "at night." try that night. instead of "might be" you could say "is". In the" Religion is abused" line, try not to jump into religion, because you have not mentioned it before,or mention where religion is abused. say something such as "In The Chrysalids, religion is..."
Hopefully my improved intro...
Treat others the way you would like to be treated. What people across the world still don’t understand is that every action they make is affecting someone else. That glancing at a man playing his guitar, trying to earn a living, and walking away without checking ones pockets for any spare change, could decide whether or not he will have a dinner that night. As humans we must imagine what the other person might be feeling or how they may react to our actions. In other words, we must imagine ourselves in the other persons shoes. Empathy is a great part of religion. Unfortunately, the people of Waknuk do not understand the concept of empathy, which results in very inhumane measures being taken towards the deviations and their families. In The Chrysalids religion is abused because it is taken advantage of and used as an excuse to commit horrible atrocities. For example burning babies who do not imitate the true image, torturing to extract knowledge, and killing animals that are in any way different.
1st body paragraph...
'My father held Sophie with one arm just as he had held the struggling calf. He raised his other hand high, and as he swept it down the knife in the light of the rising sun, just as it had flashed when he cut the calf's throat....' This is an example of religion being abused in the book. It shows that even though this never happened, David still believes his father would react in such a horrific manner, if he found out about Sophie. In the Bible it clearly states that one should not murder and in this example Joseph Strorm is doing just that. The people of Waknuk believe that any living thing that does not imitate its true image is a creation of the devil. Therefore, the people of Waknuk believe it is their duty to exterminate and punish those who do not follow the lines of the “true” image.
I think its too short. Right??
um its not really short but you can still explain a bit more.
2nd body paragraph
‘Katherine has admitted it; confessed. I have confirmed it. They would have forced me to it too, in the end. I’ she hesitated wavering. ‘I couldn’t face it. Not the hot irons; not for nothing, when she had told them. I couldn’t…Forgive me, all of you…forgive us both…’ She broke off again. –pg 130 (i think you should explain about waknuk and relate it to the qoute, like you did at the end-however the people of waknuk follow...- and then write the other qoute and explain about that separately)“Do not utter even one harsh word, your True Sovereign abides in all. Do not break another’s heart, all are priceless jewels.”-Baba Sheikh Farid, Guru Granth Sahib 1384. In short this quote is saying that everyone is equal, that everyone has a right to live, and that everyone has the right to live the way they want. Deviations or no deviations, the people of Waknuk have no right to torture Katherine and Sally. In every religion it states to not harm another, especially for ones satisfaction. However, the people of Waknuk follow a different rule. They believe that if one had a slight variation of the ‘true’ image, they should not have the right to live with the rest of gods creations. As an alternative, they should live in the Fringes with the other unfortunate outcasts.
good paragraphs. although i think you need to have an exact topic for each of your body paragraphs and include a topic sentence to give each paragraph a purpose.
3rd body paragraph
When people don’t understand something they try to figure it out. When people don’t understand other people they are intimidated by their unknown. As a result, those people will find ways to control and overpower the others, to hide this weakness. John Wyndham uses this weakness to show how humans react to something that is unfamiliar. When my father was a young man a woman who bore a child that wasn’t in the image was whipped for it. If she bore three out of the image ahe was uncertified, outlawed, and sold. It made them careful about their purity and their prayers. My father reckoned there was a lot less trouble with mutants on account of it, and when there were any, they were burnt, like other deviations.-(The views of Old Jacob, a character in The Chrysalids on page 88) The people of Waknuk are frightened by the thought peoples powers. Therefore, they will do anything to take control of the telepaths and the deviations in general, to make them feel safe and secure. To avoid an inquiry, the people of Waknuk use religion to mask the real reason for not accepting deviations as people. In the excerpt above, it shows how determined the people of Waknuk were to get rid of deviations. Fortunately, over the years, the laws have changed, and women are no longer whipped and babies no longer burned. Women are still uncertified, outlawed, and sold, but bbabies are given a chance to live, though that chance is very slim. They are left out in the Fringes, helpless and abandoned.
3. Brainstorming Worksheet
4. Essay Outline
5. First Draft of your Essay
6. Peer Comments:
Selin
Soha
Raghav
Introductory Paragraph Questions:
1.Does the introduction paragraph grab your attention? Does it anticipates an insightful thesis?
2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
Body Paragraphs Questions:
1.How well are the quotations integrated and analyzed? Have they been chosen with care and taken from a variety of chapters?
2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
Concluding Paragraph Questions:
1.Does the conclusion include a reworded thesis, summary.
2. Does the conclusion have a memorable ending?
3.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?
7. Good Copy in MLA format
.